Cutting Your Hair With A Sword Can Be Fatal
by zennou-sakusha
Summary: Kurama forces Hiei to get a haircut so Hiei tries to cut his hair with his sword and somehow ends up in a coma. Lots of humor, a bit of angst too since Hiei IS in a coma.
1. Chapter 1: Hiei is Taller Than Usual

Cutting Your Hair with a Sword Can be Fatal  
  
By: zennou-sakusha  
  
With help and suggestions from: kikoutei-hiryuu and co.  
  
About this story: Hiei tries to cut his hair with his sword and ends up in a coma. Lots of humor, a bit of angst too since Hiei almost dies. heh heh ^^\/. Hiei also gets a spirit beast, Yukina gets rich, and Kuwabara gets a visit from a certain fire demon's ghost. NO YAOI!!!  
  
Sorry for any parts with OOCness, I'm trying my best to make them act normal! Oh, and I dunno what to rate it so I just put PG. Also, sorry if you Kurama fans think I'm being mean to him, but this is a Hiei fic so no worries about future chappies having lots of Kurama bashing! Though, Hiei fans may want to start worrying about Hiei, cuz I'm gonna give him a hard time. ^^\/ (I won't kill him, after all, he's my favorite character!)  
  
Pairings: Kuwabara/Yukina, Yusuke/Keiko, other than that I'm not sure yet.  
  
[blah] my thoughts  
  
:::blah::: character's thoughts  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own YYH.  
  
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Chapter 1: Hiei is Taller Than Usual  
  
Hiei was sitting on the floor of Kurama's room, as usual. Kurama had invited him over to tell him something.  
  
"What did you want to tell me, fox?" Hiei was anxious to leave since it was almost nightfall.  
  
"For the past few weeks I've noticed something about you, something that isn't quite right," Kurama began.  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
"Well, you seem very tall."  
  
"WHAT?!" Hiei stood up abruptly. He was used to comments about his height, but never from Kurama!  
  
"Now, now, don't get all mad and insulted! Just hear me out."  
  
"Hn." Reluctantly, Hiei sat back down.  
  
"Upon further investigation, I have discovered-"  
  
Hiei glared at the fox demon, letting him know that he didn't appreciate how he was drawing things out. "Spit it out, already. It's almost night and I would like to leave."  
  
"Fine! I have found out that the reason that you look tall is because of your hair."  
  
"So?" Hiei asked. He was getting a bit suspicious. After all, people don't just call others to their house to say that they're hair looks strange. :::Besides, I kind of like being tall.:::  
  
"So? SO? That means your hair is too long!"  
  
At first Hiei had been a bit confused, but now he understood completely what Kurama was trying to tell him, and he wasn't happy about it.  
  
"YOU NEED A HAIRCUT! And quite badly, too, I'm afraid." Kurama knelt down to Hiei and started looking at his hair, muttering to himself. "Tsk, tsk. Split ends everywhere!"  
  
"Do you NOT remember the last time I got a hair cut?" Hiei was very annoyed at the fact that Kurama felt it was his duty to take care of Hiei's hair.  
  
"How can I forget?"  
  
Last year, Kurama had dragged Hiei (with many death threats, bribes, and black mails) to a barbershop. The guy at the barbershop (let's call him Bill) had put some smelly junk in Hiei's hair, made him sit under some sort of blanket thing in a hot, stuffy room, and almost cut Hiei's ear off. Needless to say, Bill had HIS ear cut off, thanks to Hiei's sword.  
  
"I refuse to go to another baka barbershop," Hiei stated.  
  
"If you had just gone to the beauty salon, none of that would have happened!" Kurama pointed out.  
  
"I happen to have a reputation, which I don't want ruined over some ningen beauty salon."  
  
"Hey, I go to a beauty salon, and I have a pretty good reputation!" Kurama argued.  
  
"Heh, your reputation. Half of the guys at your ningen school are in love with you, Yusuke once thought you were a girl, and let's not forget that little cross dressing problem you once had!" [Sorry Kurama fans!!!] Hiei smirked at Kurama.  
  
"I'd rather not be reminded... But still, most of the girls like me!"  
  
"I'd rather not have ningen girls OR guys stalking me all day, not to mention rabid fangirls..." Hiei winced at the thought of his last encounter with a mob of rabid fangirls.  
  
"Please, never mention the rabid fangirls!!! Lately, the nightmares have been getting worse." Kurama had been having nightmares about mobs of fangirls fighting over him recently, none of them very pleasant to think about. [Poor Kurama!]  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Oh, come on Hiei! If you don't want to go to a barbershop then I'll cut your hair for you!"  
  
"How do I know you know what you're doing?" Hiei was thinking of how he could possibly get out of this.  
  
"Just trust me, I know."  
  
"Hn..."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I'd rather have my hand cut off."  
  
"That's mean, Hiei."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Fine, if you won't let me or a professional cut your hair, then I'm going to call Keiko and the other girls. I'm sure they'd be delighted to give your hair a nice makeover."  
  
"You wouldn't..."  
  
"Yes, I would."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Okay, you asked for it!" Kurama left the room. Hiei followed him, to see what the fox was up to.  
  
Kurama picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Hello? Is Keiko there? Hi, this is Kurama... Oh, I'm fine, thank you... I'm afraid I need your help... Can you get Yukina, Shizuru, and Botan and meet me at my house? I'll tell you about it when you get here... Thanks, bye-bye!"  
  
Kurama hung up and looked at Hiei. "See? I told you I would!"  
  
"Hn." :::I can't believe that baka kitsune is doing this to me!!!:::  
  
"Now, they're on their way so you have about ten minutes to decide. Either I tell them to cut your hair, or you can find someone to cut it yourself. Your decision!"  
  
Hiei couldn't believe how easily Kurama had tricked him into all of this. :::I guess I have no choice, baka kitsune!:::  
  
"Fine, baka kitsune. I promise I will have my hair cut tomorrow. If it is not cut in 24 hours, then you may tell Keiko and the others to cut my hair."  
  
"This is for your own good, you know. I'll meet you by your tree in 24 hours."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Okay, now what do I tell the girls..." Kurama began thinking of an excuse.  
  
Hiei left Kurama to his own problems, and set out down the street. He headed towards the park, to his tree. :::This will be easy. I'll just cut my hair myself with my sword, how hard could it be?:::  
  
Little did Hiei know that cutting your hair with a sword could be fatal...  
  
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TBC  
  
How did you like it? Review if you want more! Sorry if it was a bit short and not too funny, but there will be more soon and the best has yet to come!  
  
Hiei- I can't believe you're making me do this.  
  
zennou-sakusha- Oh, just wait until you get a spirit beast! That's when the real fun starts!  
  
Hiei- I can hardly wait. *is dreading what is in store for him*  
  
For those who don't know Japanese here are some definitions:  
  
Baka- stupid, idiot, moron.  
  
Ningen- human  
  
Kitsune- fox 


	2. Chapter 2: Angry Birds and Wet Demons

Disclaimer: I do not own YYH.  
  
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Chapter 2: Angry Birds and Wet Demons  
  
Hiei walked like an everyday ningen (not his usual flitting or blurring) back to his tree in the park, thinking of how one cuts their hair.  
  
On the way, he passed a barbershop. He watched through the front window as someone washed a guy's hair, put some sort of chemical (aka shampoo) in it, then proceeded to cutting it carefully with scissors. ::: Hn. Stupid ningens, paying for that when they could just do it themselves!:::  
  
After watching that, Hiei had a basic idea of what to do, so when he got to his tree, he jumped to one of the highest branches and fell asleep.  
  
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Hiei ran as fast as he could, eyes wide in terror [one of those rare moments he's got expression!!!], but he couldn't run half as fast as normal. Keiko and the other girls were chasing him, carrying makeup and hair accessories. All the while, Kurama's voice could be heard saying, "It's for your own good, you know."  
  
After what seemed to be hours, the girls caught up with him and made him sit in a chair. Kurama suddenly appeared and tied him with several long vines, while repeating the words "It's for your own good, you know. It's for your own good, you know."  
  
Keiko advanced on him, saying, "Let's make him look like a girl!"  
  
Shizuru added, "Makeup and everything!"  
  
Yukina held up a kimono and compared it to Hiei. "Heeheehee, Hiei's been a bad brother, so let's make him my sister!" [Poor Hiei. Oh, JSYK Yukina doesn't know about them being twins at the moment.]  
  
Botan pulled out various ribbons and bows. "Ooooh, this is gonna be fun!"  
  
Hiei stared at them and said, "Hn!" (Translation: NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!)  
  
Suddenly, Koenma, Yusuke, and Kuwabara appeared and started laughing at Hiei while the girls did unthinkable things to him. No matter how much as he struggled against his bonds, he couldn't break free. Kurama kept saying, "It's for you own good, you know," as he taped the whole incident on a video camera.  
  
After what felt like a lifetime to Hiei, the girls stepped back to admire their work. Botan handed him a mirror and when Hiei saw his reflection he almost screamed in terror.  
  
Hiei now had long blond hair, with long eyelashes and a bit of makeup. He was wearing a yellow kimono and had lots of ribbons in his hair. He looked like some sort of cross dressed freak.  
  
Keiko asked him, "So what do you think?"  
  
Kuwabara, Yusuke, and Koenma were still laughing, rolling on the ground with tears in their eyes and Kurama was still filming everything.  
  
"I want my clothes and hair back! NOW, UNLESS YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH!" Hiei was very, very, very angry. Unfortunately, he had no sword and was still tied up.  
  
After he said this, the girls started giggling and Yukina said, "Now you're one of us!!!"  
  
Those words seemed to echo in his head until Hiei suddenly woke up. After such a terrible nightmare, it's very surprising that he didn't just fall out of the tree, but luckily for him he didn't. :::It was just a dream, no, not a dream, a nightmare... Just a nightmare, nothing more... I still have all of today to get my hair cut...:::  
  
Hiei sat up and looked at the sky. The sun was just coming up, very good news to Hiei. When he cut his hair, he didn't want any ningens around and in the early morning, there were barely any people out. He especially didn't Yusuke or Kuwabaka (as Hiei likes to call him) to witness anything.  
  
Since Hiei didn't like to postpone things, he decided to start preparing to cut his hair. From what he saw at that barbershop the night before, the fire demon figured that he should get his hair wet.  
  
Hiei jumped to the ground from the tree and walked Hiei-style (too fast to see anything but a blur) to the stream that ran through the park where Hiei was.  
  
Once there, he made sure that nobody was around and knelt down on the banks of the stream. Then he began to dunk his head in for a few seconds, and then back out. After doing this several times, he felt his hair to see how wet it was. Unfortunately, it didn't feel wet at all! [Seems that Hiei has the type of hair that water just slides off of. Poor guy.]  
  
Hiei cursed out loud, startling some birds roosting in the nearby trees. They left their roosts, cawing loudly. While most of them simply flew off further away from Hiei, one particular overprotective male bird decided to do something about the noisy demon. :::MY BABY CHICKS ARE BEING ROBBED OF THEIR SLEEP BECAUSE OF THAT GUY?! HE SHALL PAY!!!::: [So intelligent birds DO exist!]  
  
Hiei stopped cursing to dunk his head into the stream again. He leaned over to, but that was when the bird decided to strike. Had Hiei not been leaning over the stream and off balance, the bird would be dead without touching Hiei. But as luck would have it, Hiei WAS leaning over the stream and off balance, so the bird is NOT dead and DID manage to swoop down and claw, peck, and caw at the poor fire demon.  
  
Hiei had been too preoccupied to notice the bird, so he was a bit surprised and quite unprepared for such an attack. So, as a result, he toppled into the stream, somehow managing to flip over in midair so as to not land on his head, but on his rear.  
  
The good thing about this particular stream was that it was only one and a half feet deep. The bad thing was that the bottom of it had lots of sharp rocks and mud. When Hiei landed, not only did he manage to get scraped and scratched, but he got very muddy too.  
  
"Baka bird!" Hiei muttered as the bird flew off to the sky. He dragged himself out of the stream and onto dry ground, muttering swear words under his breath. Once out of the stream, he looked around to make sure nobody saw what had happened. After all, it was bad enough that Kurama forced him into getting a haircut, so he didn't feel like giving anybody black mail material.  
  
After making sure nobody had witnessed this rather embarrassing moment, Hiei felt his hair to see if it was wet yet. No such luck: his hair was as dry as if nothing had happened.  
  
"So much for getting my hair wet..." Hiei walked slowly (in regular ningen fashion) back to his tree, allowing time for his clothes to dry. Hiei was extremely annoyed that so far all he had succeeded in was to give his mind more material for future nightmares and get everything BUT his hair wet.  
  
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How is the story so far? Any good? If you want more THEN REVIEW!!! I actually meant for him to start cutting his hair in this chapter, but I don't have that written and I wanted to post something, so here it is!  
  
Hiei- You are a cruel person. YOU MADE A BIRD ATTACK ME!  
  
Zennou-sakusha- No worries, it'll get better soon! *evil look*  
  
Hiei- YOU MADE ME HAVE A NIGHTMARE ABOUT TURNING INTO A GIRL!!!  
  
Yusuke- Heh, thanks Miss Author Person! Some more black mail material!  
  
Zennou-sakusha- MY NAME IS ZENNOU-SAKUSHA BUT YOU MAY CALL ME KAMI-SAMA! *uses evil authoress powers to make Yusuke's ears grow long and very pointy*  
  
Yusuke- WAH! My ears!!! *ears keep growing*  
  
Hiei- *smirks at Yusuke*  
  
Zennou-sakusha- See Hiei? I can be nice too! *sticks tongue out at Hiei*  
  
Hiei- Hn. *doesn't care*  
  
Zennou-sakusha- WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN HIM?!  
  
Hiei- Uh, no...  
  
Yusuke- *ears are now a few feet long* *ears explode into confetti* AAAAAHHHH!!!! *new ears grow into place* *is now back to normal*  
  
Zennou-sakusha- So, have you learned your lesson yet?  
  
Yusuke- Uh, never make ears grow longer than 6 inches?  
  
Zennou-sakusha- YOU MORON! THE LESSON IS TO NEVER CALL ME MISS AUTHOR PERSON!  
  
Yusuke- Oh...  
  
Hiei- *smirks at Yusuke* Hn. 


	3. Chapter 3: Family Reunions and Vengeful ...

Hey, thanks for all the great reviews! Lots of you have been asking for more, so here's more! *eats pancake from Nabooru the Tempest of Fate* Hmmm... it DOES taste like pine-sol... Leo20, it's not so much he hurt himself with his SWORD...  
  
There's probably some OOCness in this so sorry about that but I'm not sure how the characters should act under the circumstances.  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own YYH.  
  
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Chapter 3: Family Reunions and Vengeful Birds  
  
As Hiei walked slowly back to his tree, something was watching him.  
  
Something mad. Something very territorial. Something that had a beak and talons.  
  
Something that was watching Hiei's every move, stalking him ever so silently, watching and waiting from above in the sky for the right moment.  
  
The right moment to attack.  
  
[Can't you just hear the freakishly scary music?]  
  
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Hiei was about halfway back to his tree when he noticed the bird's presence. He stopped and stood still, waiting for the bird to come lower so he could attack. :::Baka bird!:::  
  
The bird, seeing that its prey had stopped moving, decided that the time was right. The bird gave a great caw and swooped down upon Hiei, trying to peck and claw at him. [Perhaps this bird isn't so smart...]  
  
Hiei quickly drew his sword and tried to kill the bird, but before he could, the bird decided to retreat, seeing that its prey wasn't helpless. As the bird lifted off into the air, Hiei's sword chopped off its tail feathers.  
  
"Hn." (Translation: HA! BAKA BIRD THOUGHT HE COULD SNEAK UP ON ME!)  
  
The bird had retreated, but he wasn't satisfied. This bird was very stubborn and Hiei had disturbed HIS baby chicks, and this bird wouldn't rest until this threat was eliminated. :::You may have won the battle, but you haven't won the war, baka! I'll be back!!!:::  
  
Hiei, not knowing the bird was planning to come back, continued his slow walk back to his tree.  
  
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As she ran, feet pounding, Yukina thought of what had happened. After returning from Kurama's (who told them they weren't needed after all) Botan and Yukina had slept over at Keiko's house last night. Shizuru had been invited but declined, saying she had to watch over her baby brother.  
  
+++Flashback+++  
  
"So, Keiko, how's it going with Yusuke?" Botan asked.  
  
"That's none of your business!" Keiko replied as she blushed slightly.  
  
"Ooooh, something happened between you two! Tell us!" Botan persisted as Yukina giggled.  
  
"Why don't you tell us about YOUR love life, Botan, if you're so eager to discuss it," Keiko said, changing the subject.  
  
"Yes, Botan, I'd like to know if you have any crushes!" Yukina added.  
  
"I... ahem, is it hot in here to you?" Botan asked, hoping to change the subject.  
  
"No, not really," Yukina answered truthfully.  
  
"Come on, Botan, tell us!"  
  
"Oh, all right! If you really must know, I think Kurama is cute! There, I said it!" Botan blushed slightly as Yukina and Keiko giggled.  
  
"What about you, Yukina? What's going on with you and Kuwabara?" Keiko asked.  
  
The conversation continued until they got to the subject of what everyone thought of each boy.  
  
"Koenma is such a baby! He absolutely refuses to switch to Pull-Ups!" Botan said.  
  
"What about Hiei?"  
  
"What about him? He's too quiet and angry for his own good! Can you believe he threatened me if I ever told Yukina... err, oh never mind!" Botan seemed very uncomfortable. :::I can't believe I almost told Yukina that Hiei's her brother! Darn me and my big mouth!:::  
  
"If you ever told what?" Yukina asked naïvely.  
  
"What do YOU think of him, Yukina?" Keiko changed the subject quickly, not wanting Botan to be killed by a mad fire demon.  
  
"Well, I just think he just needs someone to love him. I've seen him, watching over me sometimes, but he doesn't know that I've seen him. He really is a good person deep down, but he's... well, afraid to show anybody that side of him."  
  
"Are you sure you don't know MMMPH!" Botan started to say, but Keiko quickly clamped her hand down on her mouth.  
  
"He's so quiet and unsocial, I don't think he's had a very happy life. The way he watches over me, he's like... a brother, almost," Yukina said, trying to find the right words.  
  
At this, Keiko and Botan's eyes went wide. :::Could it be? Does she really know?!:::  
  
"What? What's wrong? Is it something I said?" Yukina asked.  
  
"Oh, err, it's nothing!"  
  
"Yeah, um, we're just..."  
  
"Please tell me!"  
  
Before Keiko could stop her, Botan blurted out, "Hiei IS your brother!" After she said that, she looked like a huge weight had been lifted off of her and she muttered, "Finally..."  
  
Keiko hit her on the head, saying, "BOTAN!!! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL!"  
  
Botan's eyes went wide as what she just did dawned on her. She remembered Hiei's promise to kill her if she ever told. "Oh no, oh no, oh no..." [Poor ferry girl.]  
  
"What? Is it really true?" Yukina asked. :::Can it be? Hiei...? My... brother?:::  
  
"Well, now that it's out-" Keiko glared at Botan, who smiled a bit sheepishly, "-we might as well tell you what we know..."  
  
The three girls stayed up for a few hours talking about Hiei and what they knew about him. Then they went to sleep, Yukina resting easier now that she knew the truth and Botan hoping that she will live long enough to see Yukina and Hiei reunite.  
  
+++End Flashback+++  
  
It was the next day and Yukina had left Keiko's house at dawn, in search of Hiei. She hoped to confront him about it and ask why she was never told.  
  
:::Oniisan, I am coming!:::  
  
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Hiei had finally arrived to his tree, though he was still a bit wet and muddy. He jumped up onto a very high branch. :::Ok, now to just cut my hair.:::  
  
Hiei grabbed a random strand of hair in one hand and drew his sword with the other. Then he attempted to cut the hair with his sword. Of course, he couldn't swing at it or else hit himself, which made it was very difficult to actually get his hair cut, not to mention that he was in a tree, only had one hand on the hair, was very angry, and just got through fighting a vicious and strangely intelligent bird. [Hiei should've gone to a barbershop!!!]  
  
Hiei just couldn't get his hair to cut! He grabbed a different random strand of hair, and the same thing happened. After trying with several strands, the fire demon was very annoyed and furious with his hair, sword, and especially Kurama.  
  
Hiei let out a string of curses that could have made any decent person faint, before trying several more strands of hair to no avail.  
  
:::STUPID NINGENS CAN DO THIS; WHY CAN'T I?!!!:::  
  
He started taking out his anger on the poor tree by hacking and swinging his sword wildly at it. He was so preoccupied that he didn't notice his visitors until it was too late.  
  
Hiei was in midswing [is that a word?] when he heard someone from the ground call out, "Oniisan? Hiei? Are you up there?"  
  
Hiei's eyes got big [you know, Hiei's surprised face] and he stood still for a moment. "Y-yukina?!" :::No, it couldn't be... She can't know... Unless...:::  
  
And that was when the bird from the stream decided to attack, along with several of his friends. It seems that the bird was bent on revenge and had gone to get some bird friends. [This bird just won't give up!]  
  
The birds swooped down and started pecking and clawing at Hiei, who wasn't prepared. As a result, Hiei lost his balance and fell off of the branch.  
  
The good thing is that the birds decided not to attack him as he fell. The bad thing was that Hiei hit his head on several branches on the way down, causing him to go unconscious. When he finally landed 25 feet below, he was very bruised and still wet and muddy.  
  
Yukina heard a thud and turned to se his unconscious form on the ground. "Hiei!!!"  
  
The birds, seeing more prey, decided to attack Hiei AND Yukina. The whole flock of them swooped down, ready to attack...  
  
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Okay, REVIEW IF YOU WANT MORE!!!!!!!  
  
Definitions:  
  
Oniisan- what someone would call their older brother 


	4. Chapter 4: With Friends Like These, Who ...

Disclaimer- I do not own YYH.  
  
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Chapter 4: With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?  
  
Yukina used her own body as a shield to protect her unconscious brother from the angry flock of birds. The birds were persistent and had managed to peck at Yukina several times before a familiar voice called out, "Rose whip!"  
  
Yukina looked behind her to see Kurama running towards her, whip in hand. He cracked his whip as the startled birds, sensing that they were in danger, took to the sky.  
  
Once Kurama was sure the birds weren't going to come back, he went to Yukina and asked her what had happened. As she told him her side of the story, he picked up Hiei and began to walk, Yukina by his side.  
  
Once at their destination, Yusuke's house, Yukina knocked on the door but nobody answered. [You have to remember that this is really early in the morning.] She tried again, and this time a very sleepy Yusuke answered.  
  
"Whaddya want?" he asked as he yawned.  
  
Kurama answered calmly, "Hiei needs some help."  
  
Upon seeing Hiei's battered form, Yusuke seemed to become more awake. "What the heck happened to Hiei?!" [Remember, Hiei is unconscious, wet, muddy, and covered in bruises, scratches, and scrapes.] Yusuke immediately let them in.  
  
Kurama gently laid Hiei down onto the couch and turned to leave. "I will be back soon with the others. Take care of Hiei while I'm gone."  
  
Yukina tried her best not to cry. :::It's my fault, I shouldn't have called him 'oniisan'. It's my fault!::: Yukina became lost in her own world, using her powers to heal Hiei. Yusuke had no clue what was going on so he just watched her do her work.  
  
After about a half hour, Kurama arrived with Shizuru, Kuwabara, Keiko, and Botan. Keiko and Botan immediately took Yukina to a different room to comfort her. Kuwabara tried to follow, but Shizuru stopped him with a punch, telling him that they should be left alone.  
  
"What the heck happened, Kurama?!"  
  
"Yeah, and why is Yukina crying?!" Kuwabara seemed pained to see his beloved ice demon in distress.  
  
Kurama told them Yukina's side of the story, leaving out the whole hair cut thing. [Seems the fox knew he'd be dead if he told anyone about Hiei trying to cut his hair.] "Hmmm, seems he only has a minor concussion. I think I have a plant at home that should fix him. You three stay here and don't do anything!"  
  
Kurama left, leaving Shizuru and Yusuke standing there, unsure of what to do. Kuwabara just paced back and forth mumbling to himself. "H-h-how could they be... MY Yukina... and the shrimp... t-twins... impossible..."  
  
"Uh, you think we should try to wake him up?"  
  
"Kurama said to not do anything!"  
  
"Since when do we have to listen to HIM?!"  
  
"Uh, we're not exactly doctors, Urameshi."  
  
"I'll give him what he deserves, making my Yukina cry..." Kuwabara seemed to have gotten over the twin thing as he walked over to the lifeless fire demon and began to punch and kick him. "This is what you get for making Yukina cry!"  
  
"Baka baby brother! That's not how you do it!" Shizuru pushed him out of the way and started punching and kicking, like Hiei was some kind of immobile punching bag. [Poor, poor Hiei. All he wanted was a haircut!]  
  
Yusuke and Kuwabara stepped back, realizing Shizuru may be the death of Hiei, and watched as Shizuru continued her assault.  
  
Shizuru wasn't aware of anything but herself and the fire demon in front of her. "Take this, and this! Mwahaha! This is what you get for making an ice apparition cry!"  
  
Botan walked in and asked what all the noise was. Yusuke and Kuwabara pointed to Shizuru.  
  
"Shizuru! Don't do that! Do THIS!" Botan pushed Shizuru to the side and pulled out her oar and began beating Hiei senseless. "This is for all of the pain you caused by not telling Yukina the TRUTH!!!!!!"  
  
Shizuru watched, quite amused, while Yusuke and Kuwabara's mouths were hanging open. "I had no idea she was capable of this..."  
  
"Me neither..."  
  
Botan continued hitting Hiei on the head with her oar as Keiko walked in and said, "Yukina will be out in a minute. She just needs some time alone."  
  
Keiko noticed everyone staring at Botan, so she stared at Botan as well. "BOTAN! Why are you hitting him?!"  
  
Botan stopped to answer, "It's SO MUCH FUN! You can take out ALL of your anger on him, and HE'LL STILL BE OKAY! Come on, try it!"  
  
Keiko looked at Hiei, who was now bruised all over, and started slapping him. "THIS IS FOR ALL OF THE TIMES YOU LIFTED MY SKIRT YOU JERK!!!"  
  
Yusuke was glad that he wasn't in Hiei's position, while Shizuru and Botan sweatdropped. :::Wasn't it Yusuke who did all of that stuff?!:::  
  
Keiko continued slapping Hiei until Yusuke stopped her. "Hey, MY TURN!!!"  
  
Keiko slapped Yusuke on the cheek really hard and walked away, Botan in tow, to check on Yukina. "That was for being a JERK!"  
  
Yusuke started punching and kicking, but he didn't feel quite satisfied. :::Hmmm... I know!:::  
  
Kurama walked in on the strange scene as Yusuke took the fighting stance. "SHOT GUN!"  
  
The attack hit Hiei full force, leaving him kind of burnt. Kurama was shocked. "YUSUKE! WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?!"  
  
Yusuke explained everything as Kurama examined Hiei again. Kurama glared at everyone. "Oh this is just GREAT. There isn't a plant in ALL OF THE THREE WORLDS THAT WILL HEAL HIM NOW!!!"  
  
Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Shizuru backed away from the angry fox demon. After all, it isn't every day that you see Kurama angry. "HOW COULD YOU, HIS FRIENDS, DO THIS TO HIM?! I COULD HAVE HAD HIM HEALED RIGHT NOW, BUT NOOOOO! YOU HAD TO GO AND START BEATING HIM UP LIKE SOME KIND OF SICK PUNCHING BAG! WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE YOU?! HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?!"  
  
Yusuke asked him, "Do you want to try it?" :::Please let him calm down, please, please...:::  
  
Seems that Yusuke asked the wrong question. Kurama got even angrier and yelled, "NO I DO NOT WANT TO HURT HIEI! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST ASKED ME TO HURT AND PROBABLY KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Yukina, followed by Botan and Keiko, walked in, Yusuke immediately running behind Keiko for protection.  
  
"Why is everyone yelling?" Yukina asked.  
  
At this, everyone but Kurama had a guilty look on. Kurama stepped forward and said, "These BAKAS beat your brother up instead of WAITING FOR ME TO COME BACK TO HEAL HIM! Come Yukina, let's go where they can't harm him!" [Just because Kurama is protecting Hiei DOESN'T MAKE THEM A COUPLE!!! In this story, they are best friends and NOTHING MORE!]  
  
With that, Kurama left, dragging Hiei behind him. Yukina, still not quite sure of what to do, followed behind. They left behind five very ashamed people.  
  
Thankfully, everyone at the Minamino residence was out for the day, so Kurama led Yukina to his house and walked up the stairs to his room. He laid Hiei on his bed to examine him.  
  
"What happened to him?" Yukina asked, worried about the new bruises that Hiei had now.  
  
Kurama explained the whole story while fiddling with various plants.  
  
Yukina's eyes got big and the tears began to fall. "H-how could they...? He's going to be all right, isn't he?"  
  
Yukina sniffed and tried to stop the tears, which had turned into gems on the floor. "If I had been there, maybe I could have stopped them. If I hadn't been crying like a baby he would be all right now!"  
  
Kurama patted Yukina gently and tried to get her to stop crying. "Yukina, Hiei's a strong demon! He's been through worse and lived through it! Don't worry; he'll be quite all right! And never think that it's your fault! If anything, it's mine..."  
  
Yukina couldn't help but cry. After all, Hiei was now in a coma thanks to his so-called friends!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
:::Where the heck am I?::: Hiei looked around and saw that he was in Kurama's home. For some strange reason he was in midair, above everything. Kurama was examining something, what was it? Hiei zoomed in to see that HIS body was on his bed. :::Wait, if my body is there, then why am I here?!:::  
  
Hiei tried to remember what had happened, but he last thing he remembered was the bird attacking him right after Yukina called him 'oniisan'.  
  
:::Wait...  
  
Oniisan?!  
  
Brother?!  
  
Yukina?!  
  
ME?!:::  
  
Hiei shook his head. :::She can't know! Who would have dared tell her?!::: Hiei watched them, while thinking about the problem at hand. Kurama was using different plants to cure his bruises and cuts. Yukina watched Kurama, sniffing occasionally, and Hiei could tell she had been crying. It really hurt Hiei to know that he had been the cause of her tears.  
  
:::What is she crying about?! She shouldn't waste her tears on me!!!:::  
  
Hiei used his Jagan to read Kurama's mind. Before finding out about the 'beat Hiei up' incident, he found what had happened between Botan, Keiko, and Yukina. :::THAT BAKA ONNA TOLD YUKINA!!!!!!!!:::  
  
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REVIEW IF YOU WANT MORE!!!  
  
Sorry the people were out of character and all, but I had to make them that way to follow the story line! 


	5. Chapter 5: Hiei's a Ghost!

Disclaimer- I do not own YYH.  
  
THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS!!! *gives the reviewers cookies and mini katanas* HERE YA GOES, NICE REVIEWERS!!!  
  
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Chapter 5: Hiei's a Ghost!  
  
Botan and the others were back at Yusuke's house, not quite sure of what to do.  
  
"You think we should go and apologize?" Keiko asked.  
  
Yusuke shook his head. "No, if we go over there Kurama's gonna bite our heads off or something."  
  
Kuwabara said, "Serves that shrimp right, making my Yukina cry like that!  
  
Shizuru hit Kuwabara on the head. "Stupid baby brother, if YOU hadn't started hitting Hiei, none of this would've happened!"  
  
"ME?! WHAT ABOUT YOU!!!"  
  
"Yusuke, you jerk, WHY'D YOU HAVE TO GO AND DO YOUR SPIRIT GUN AT HIM?!"  
  
"ME?! YOU'RE BLAMING ME?! WELL, SOOOOOOORRY!"  
  
While the other four were arguing, Botan suddenly remembered that she was supposed to go to Reikai so she slipped outside and summoned her oar. She then flew off into the sky and off to Spirit World [sorry if I'm wrong, but I forgot how exactly Botan goes back to Spirit World in her human body].  
  
When Botan got there she immediately went to Koenma's office and knocked on the door. She heard Koenma say, "Come in!"  
  
Botan entered and bowed low to Koenma. "Koenma-sama, sir, I'm so sorry that I'm late. Something happened, and I-"  
  
"Yes, yes, yes I already know what happened to Hiei and I must say, IT'S SOOOO FUNNY! HAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Botan looked at him questioningly. "Koenma-sama, sir, what is so funny?"  
  
Koenma motioned for Botan to come towards his desk and turned on the TV screen-thing he uses to watch the Spirit Detectives. "This."  
  
Koenma pushed a button, and on the screen everything that had happened to Hiei since the day Kurama told him to get a haircut was replayed [only the important parts of course, other wise they'd be there all day!].  
  
As soon as it was finished, Koenma and Botan were both laughing so hard that tears came to their eyes.  
  
"All of this... because... HAHAHA... of a ... HAIRCUT?!"  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"  
  
George the blue oni burst through the doors. "Koenma-sama, sir, is everything okay?!"  
  
Koenma was still laughing too hard for words. "Ogre... HAHA... yes, I am... HAHAHAHA... okay!"  
  
George looked at the two strangely before shaking his head and giving them a strange look, then walking back out.  
  
Finally, after about five minutes of hysterical laughter, Koenma told Botan, "Okay, since he IS in a coma, you're going to have to go get his soul and bring him in. You know spirits can't be wandering around in Ningenkai. Knowing Hiei, there's no telling what he will do!"  
  
"Yes, of course, Koenma-sama, sir!" Botan bowed respectfully and walked out of his office, on her way to Ningenkai.  
  
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Hiei, upon discovering the truth through using his Jagan to read Kurama and Yukina's minds, was shocked. :::My friends... err, EX-friends did this?! THEY SHALL PAY!!!  
  
Wait.  
  
Did I just say FRIENDS?! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!!!!!!!!:::  
  
After watching Yukina and Kurama for a bit longer, Hiei floated outside. He watched ningens walking around, probably on their way to work or something else as trivial. :::Stupid ningens, they are like sheep. They follow the herd blindly, always worrying about what others think of them. Pathetic fools.:::  
  
Hiei hadn't been paying much attention to where he was going and noticed that he had arrived at Yusuke's apartment. He floated through the walls, as spirits do, just in time to see Botan leave for Reikai. Hiei was about to follow Botan when he heard Keiko say, "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to go apologize to Hiei!"  
  
Hiei smirked. :::Some use that's going to do, ningen.:::  
  
Keiko left the apartment, and Shizuru followed. "I guess I'll go too. You better come too, baby brother!"  
  
Kuwabara and Yusuke glanced at each other, and then tried to get out of the front door at the same time. "Move BAKA!"  
  
"Who're you calling a baka, baka? YOU MOVE!"  
  
Hiei watched the two struggle to get out of the door for several minutes. :::It's almost as if they are having a contest to see who is the bigger baka.::: The demon watched for a while longer with an amused look on his face before becoming bored.  
  
Hiei floated down and kicked Kuwabara in the head. Being a spirit, his foot went right through. But since Kuwabara had high spirit awareness, he got what he called the "tickle feeling".  
  
Kuwabara froze, looking just a bit scared. Yusuke took advantage of this and walked though the doorway, brushing against Kuwabara, who wouldn't move.  
  
"Oh, come on KuwaBAKA, let's go already!"  
  
"Man, I just got that tickle feeling I get when spirits are around me!"  
  
"Don't tell me, some demon's spirit has come back from the dead to avenge his death!"  
  
"D-do you really think so?!"  
  
Yusuke rolled his eyes, head Kuwabara on the head, and continued walking, dragging Kuwabara behind him.  
  
Hiei smirked. :::Ironic how Yusuke was so right about a demon coming back for revenge. Hn, might as well have some fun before returning to my body.:::  
  
As Yusuke and Kuwabara tried to catch up to the girls, Hiei thought about ways he could possibly get revenge as he followed them. :::This will be fun...:::  
  
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Botan appeared in Ningenkai on her oar as a spirit (not in her ningen body). She was dreading the fact that she would have to see Hiei since she had just told Yukina his secret. :::Well, perhaps he won't know, oh but I'm a terrible liar and he knows when people are lying, oh he'll kill me! Thank goodness I'm immortal...  
  
Wait- THAT'S A BAD THING! HE'S GOING TO TORTURE ME AND NOT EVEN DEATH COULD STOP IT!  
  
Oh, me and my big mouth! I knew this day would come. I'll just have to stand up to him, yeah, that's it! Show him who's boss...  
  
ACK, who am I kidding, all I can do is hit people with my...  
  
MY BASEBALL BAT! IT'S THE PERFECT WEAPON!:::  
  
Botan flew on and as she did, she began thinking of how to avoid physical contact with the temperamental fire demon.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Keiko and Shizuru were already walking down the street, not caring if the boys followed or not. "Perhaps we should get him a gift too."  
  
"Yeah, but what does HE like?!"  
  
"HEY! WAIT UP!!!" Yusuke and Kuwabara ran to catch up with the two girls.  
  
"Yusuke Urameshi! What the heck took you so long!"  
  
"Kuwabaka over here got that "tickle feeling" again!"  
  
"Oh? And why would this be, baby brother?"  
  
"Yusuke said that a demon came back to haunt me!!!"  
  
"BAKA! I was just KIDDING!"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"YES!!!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Quit arguing already and let's go!"  
  
The four continued walking until they reached a gas station. Kuwabara wanted to buy Yukina something so they all walked in, looking for gifts they could possibly give to Hiei, Kurama, or Yukina.  
  
Ten minutes later, the group walked out holding a plant, a tub of ice cream, and a lottery ticket.  
  
"Tell us again why you thought Yukina would like a LOTTERY TICKET?!"  
  
"Not just ANY lottery ticket- the lottery ticket of LOVE!!!" Kuwabara grinned stupidly. [Oh, in case you didn't notice, I LOVE KUWABAKA BASHING! Though you'd have to be stupider than Kuwabara not to notice by now...]  
  
"Shut up about all that love crap already! You're giving me a headache!"  
  
Unknown to them, Hiei was watching everything that they were doing. :::Some use those gifts are going to be. Lottery ticket... now what was that again? Hn, I don't care. Now it's time for some fun...:::  
  
Hiei floated down, about to hit Kuwabara in the head, when he heard someone clear their throat pointedly. The fire demon turned to see Botan, wearing her usual pink kimono on an oar.  
  
"You..." Hiei growled menacingly. "You were the one who told her..."  
  
Botan's eyes widened and she pulled a baseball bat out of nowhere. "Now, now, Hiei, calm down! You can't be wandering the streets-" :::HOW DID HE KNOW?!!!:::  
  
Hiei tackled her and was ready to punch the daylights our of her when the image of Koenma's huge toddler head appeared in the sky. "Tsk, tsk Hiei! You can do that AFTER you get your body back. Right now you have to come back to Reikai or else I will never let you go back."  
  
Hiei stopped what he was doing and Botan quickly backed away from him. Botan had almost had tears in her eyes. :::EEEEEP! I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS THIS MEAN TO WOMEN!!!!!! So much for self defense...:::  
  
"Hn, what makes you think I even WANT my body back?!"  
  
"Well, if you don't Yukina's going to be really sad!"  
  
Hiei glared at the godling before turning to Botan and saying, "Hn. You better start leading, ferry girl, before my patience runs out."  
  
Botan, who was thoroughly intimidated, looked at Koenma and asked, "K- koenma-sama, sir, please don't leave me alone with this... this... demon!"  
  
"I'm sorry Botan, but you have to do your job! And I'm sure Hiei won't hurt you, isn't that right Hiei?"  
  
"I make no promises that I don't intend to keep."  
  
Koenma disappeared, leaving the ferry girl all alone with an impatient fire demon. "Are you going to take me to Reikai or not, onna?"  
  
Botan nodded. "Please g-grab onto the oar."  
  
Hiei obeyed and immediately they were zooming off. :::BAKA ONNA! I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I CAN GET MY HANDS ON HER!:::  
  
:::Oh no, oh no, this can't be happening, I'm stuck with HIEI of all people, and a very mad Hiei at that!!! Oh, kami-sama I hope he doesn't torture me!:::  
  
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REVIEW PLEASE!!! Oh, and in your reviews, if you'd like to suggest a couple I could use for future chappies please do so! Do you think I should make this Hiei/Botan? Botan/Koenma? Kurama/somebody? Yukina/somebody? Any suggestions you have, please tell me!  
  
Definitions:  
  
Baka- idiot  
  
Kami-sama- god  
  
Makai- demon world  
  
Ningenkai- human world  
  
Oni- ogre  
  
Onna- woman  
  
Reikai- spirit world 


	6. Chapter 6: Let the Plans Begin!

Disclaimer- I do not own YYH.  
  
Okay, people! THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOTES! I've made up my mind, the couples that I will use are:  
  
Hiei/Botan (BUT NOT IN THE WAY YOU THINK!)  
  
Koenma/Botan (You'll just have to wait and see how I'm gonna have Botan with 2 guys!)  
  
Keiko/Yusuke (Well, of course they're a couple!)  
  
Kuwabara/Yukina (Actually, Kuwabara is in love with Yukina but Yukina is oblivious to it.)  
  
Of course, I'll probably change my mind here and there, but I think I'm basically going to use those couples. Oh, and I'm not quite sure if I'm going to make Kurama single or not, I just have to write more and see how the story turns out before I make up my mind.  
  
Oh and I know I made Botan say Kurama was cute in a different chapter, but that has nothing to do with the rest of the story.  
  
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Chapter 6: Let the Plans Begin!  
  
Keiko and the others knocked on the door and waited for Kurama to come out. He eventually did, and once he saw who it was, he got a very angry look on his face and a dangerous golden Youko-like gleam in his eyes. [Don't you just LOVE the angry Kurama?]  
  
"What do you want? I'm very busy here and you are wasting my time," the kitsune growled.  
  
"Oh, gomen nasai, Kurama. We came by to apologize to you and to Hiei. We brought gifts. I really hope we can make it up to you." Keiko motioned to the other three, who were holding the presents.  
  
Kurama took the three things and said, "Your apologies are a waste. Hiei is in a coma thanks to you and will not be back for a very long time. I shall give your gifts to Yukina and please know that if you show up again, I will not hesitate to force you to leave."  
  
And with that, Kurama slammed the door in their faces. [He showed them! Heeheehee...]  
  
As Kurama began the walk upstairs back to his room, his Youko side began taking over  
  
And forming plans.  
  
Very evil plans.  
  
The kind of plans that only a kitsune could make.  
  
The kind of plans for...  
  
REVENGE!  
  
:::Mwahahahahaha!:::  
  
[OH NO! I'VE LET THE YOUKO TAKE CONTROL OF KURAMA! MY STORY IS NOW EVIL! EVIIIIILLLLLL!!!! EEEEEVVVVVVVVIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! Oh well, it's funny, and that's what counts, right? ^_^\/]  
  
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Hiei was NOT a happy demon.  
  
He was a very MAD demon.  
  
A very ANGRY fire demon that has decided to do something about it.  
  
Something drastic.  
  
Something crazy.  
  
Something stupid.  
  
Something so strange that NOBODY will catch on until it's too late.  
  
+++Flashback+++  
  
Hiei and Botan had just arrived in Reikai and they immediately reported to Koenma's office.  
  
"K-Koenma-sama, sir, we're here."  
  
"Ah, good Botan. Now here's the deal Hiei; your body is now in a coma. Not very serious, but serious enough that you must wait until we say it's okay to re-enter your body. Understand?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
"I'll take that as a yes. So, all you have to do now is wait. In the meantime, you must stay in Spirit World. Oh, and Botan?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You have to watch over him. Remember Hiei; if you do something we don't like YOU WILL NOT GET YOUR BODY BACK. Understood?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
+++End Flashback+++  
  
Now, Hiei was stuck following Botan around on her ferry girl duties. And, as was said before, Hiei was NOT happy about it.  
  
"C-come on, Hiei, please f-follow me..." Botan lead Hiei back to Ningenkai. :::Oh kami-sama, I just KNOW he's going to kill or torture me, I can see it in those little beady eyes of his... He's gonna kill me, or worse, what if he...  
  
NO!  
  
HE WOULDN'T!  
  
He's not THAT evil, is he?!  
  
IS HE?!!!!!::: [Use your own imagination to figure out what she's thinking of!]  
  
Once they were in Ningenkai, Hiei held onto Botan's oar as she soared across Japan. They finally stopped upon reaching their destination: a very little village. Once they were there they met the spirit they were to take to Reikai.  
  
The spirit was a very young girl, about six years old. She had died of sickness and looked very scared when Botan approached her.  
  
"Wh-why am I here? Why can't M-mommy s-see me? W-who are y-you?!" The poor, confused girl seemed on the verge of tears.  
  
While Botan explained to the young girl all about life and death, Hiei started thinking of his plans for sweet revenge. :::I would kill her, if only she weren't immortal. But yet, death is too kind for someone like her...  
  
Pain.  
  
Endless pain.  
  
That is the only way to get revenge.  
  
But how...?:::  
  
Botan looked at Hiei briefly before turning to answer the girl's endless stream of questions. :::He keeps glaring at me, and muttering... Creepy, I wonder if this is how those psycho killers act like... Why does he have to keep STARING at me like that? Ugh, if he's gonna kill me GET IT OVER WITH!!!  
  
Wait...  
  
I bet he's doing this on purpose.  
  
Dragging it out like this, but he won't hit me until I least expect it!  
  
I have to stay on my guard, he'll probably try to get me when I'm asleep.  
  
Argh, AS IF BEING FERRY GIRL ISN'T HARD ENOUGH!!!!!!! WHY DO YOU MAKE ME DO THIS KOENMA!!!!:::  
  
And so their extremely long workday begins!  
  
[Poor Botan, I'd feel sorry for her if she hadn't been the one who beat Hiei AND told his sister!]  
  
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When Kurama walked back in, he saw Yukina staring outside, looking almost exactly like Hiei. She was acting almost exactly like her brother- withdrawn from the world and looking as if nobody can reach her. [Funny how two demons can be so similar yet so different!]  
  
Kurama noticed the tear gems on the floor so he picked up them up and put them away in his hair. [You know how his hair can hold anything!!!] :::I should use these gems somehow in my master plan! Speaking of which, I must do step one of the plan!!! MWAHAHA! I feel EVIL today!:::  
  
Yukina was watching as Kurama did this, and broke the silence by asking, "Kurama, may I ask you something?"  
  
Kurama looked at her with concern and asked, "Yes, what is it?"  
  
"Is there a reason Hiei lied to me about being my brother?"  
  
"Oh." Kurama had been so caught up in getting revenge, he had forgotten that Yukina was probably thinking about these things. "Even though I've known Hiei for a long time, he doesn't exactly share his feelings with others, as I'm sure you've noticed. Though the best person to ask is of course Hiei himself, I think I have a general idea of what's going on in his head."  
  
Kurama sat down on the floor beside Yukina before continuing. "I think that Hiei considers himself a dirty thief, one that has committed many murders and crimes, while he considers you pure, someone who has never harmed anything. He feels that his presence somehow stains your innocence and purity. He's also probably afraid of rejection or something along those lines. But if it makes you feel any better, you are the one person he trusts most in his life. He'd be willing to give you anything you wanted, if you just asked him."  
  
"Oh." Yukina, after hearing her answer, became distant again, lost in her thoughts and memories.  
  
Kurama smiled at her and stood up, ready to begin his master plan. "Yukina?"  
  
Yukina was jerked back into reality. She looked up and asked, "Yes?"  
  
"I must go somewhere now, so please stay and watch over Hiei for me, will you?"  
  
"Oh yes, of course. Where are you going? Will you be back soon?"  
  
"I'll be back soon, don't worry. I'm just going to go do a friend a... favor." Kurama turned and started walking away, then suddenly remembered to give Yukina the presents. "Oh, here you go Yukina. The others dropped by to give these to us, I believe, but you may have all of them if you want."  
  
Kurama handed the tub of ice cream, lottery ticket, and the plant to Yukina before turning and walking out.  
  
Kurama's Youko side was about to have a LOT of fun VERY soon.  
  
[Kurama is now on the DARK SIDE!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES AND HIDE ALL SHINY OBJECTS!]  
  
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Keiko and the others were now at Yusuke's house. All the way home, Keiko had ranted and raved about how Kurama was so mean, which was exactly what she continued doing at Yusuke's house.  
  
"How DARE he just slam the door in our faces like that! We wanted to APOLOGIZE, not HIT HIEI some more!" Keiko said as she paced up and down.  
  
Shizuru lit a cigarette before asking, "Yeah, so? We tried our best, now we just have to give him time!"  
  
"That is NOT an option- we need a sure-proof plan! Something that will be sure to make them come crawling back to us!" Keiko kept pacing back and forth.  
  
Shizuru smoked her cigarette while Kuwabara and Yusuke argued over meaningless things.  
  
"HA! I beat you again!"  
  
"It's THUMB wrestling, you can't use your other fingers!"  
  
"Can too!"  
  
"Can not!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"It's in the rulebook!"  
  
"What rulebook?"  
  
"The UNWRITTEN rulebook!!!"  
  
"Hey, I never got a rulebook!"  
  
"Baka, that's because it's UNWRITTEN!"  
  
"Oh... You still can't use your other fingers!"  
  
"Can too!"  
  
"Can not!"  
  
Keiko let her frustration out by yelling, "Darn it, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING!!!" :::There MUST be SOMETHING we can do...:::  
  
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REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!  
  
GOOD NEWS: I was hit by inspiration yesterday, so I have lots of ideas for this story and hopefully, that means more chapters sooner!!! YAY! 


	7. Chapter 7: Chibify Me!

Disclaimer- I do not own YYH, or anything else for that matter.  
  
Thanks for all of the reviews! YOU PEOPLE ARE SOOOO NICE TO ME!  
  
NOTE: I have deleted the old chapter 7 & 8 because I have rewritten them to add in a step to Hiei's EVIL plan and to make it much more humorous. I really do hope that everybody likes this better than the old chapter 7. I know that the first part of this chapter is the same, but PLEASE read the last part of it since that part is the rewritten portion.  
  
Oh and yes I do know that it's totally straying from the title, but who cares as long as Hiei gets his revenge? ^^  
  
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Chapter 7: Chibify Me!  
  
Hiei and Botan had just gotten back from ferrying the young girl to Reikai. They made their way through the mass of spirits, ferry girls, and onis to Koenma's office. Before reaching the doors, they heard Koenma say, "BOTAN! COME HERE!"  
  
Botan looked at Hiei, then at Koenma's office and walked off quickly saying, "Sorry Hiei, Koenma needs me!" :::Thank goodness, I don't think I can stand another minute with him!:::  
  
Hiei, alone in the Reikai palace, began to wander around, making his way through the crowd of Reikai residents. He turned down a hallway where there weren't as many people [or beasts or spirits or whatever you wanna say] and saw a familiar redhead.  
  
Kurama saw him as well, and walked towards him.  
  
"Hiei, please follow me."  
  
Hiei, having nothing else to do, followed as Kurama began walking to an unknown destination. They went down several different hallways, taking a turn here and there, until they reached a staircase. There wasn't anybody in sight.  
  
Kurama, followed by Hiei, made his way down the steps and opened the door at the bottom of them. Both of the demons recognized where they were- the underground vaults, where treasures such as the Shadow Sword, Mirror of Forlorn Hope, and Orb of Baast were kept. [If you don't know what these are, these are the treasures Hiei, Kurama, and Gouki stole from Reikai. This was the reason Yusuke had to go track them down on his very first Spirit Detective case, and also the reason Hiei was forced to help the Reikai Tantei. Oh and I seriously have no clue where the treasures were kept, but an underground vault sounds good enough, right?]  
  
They made their way through various hallways, with huge doors on each side. These doors led to rooms that held a vault inside it, where different treasures were stored. Kurama finally stopped at one particular door- the door that led to where the Shadow Sword had been held when Hiei and company had stolen it.  
  
"Why are we here, fox?"  
  
"So we can talk privately, of course."  
  
"Hn, start talking."  
  
"First, tell me what happened to you so far. If you don't then I won't tell you my plans for revenge."  
  
"Revenge?" At the sound of that word, Hiei became very, VERY interested.  
  
"Yes, revenge. Now do tell all."  
  
Hiei began to tell Kurama all that had happened to him since he was in a coma. In return Kurama told Hiei of his MASTER PLAN. [Heeheehee, it's a very evil plan. VERY evil. MWAHAHA! I AM AN EVVVVVVIL WRITER! Ahem, ON WITH THE STORY!]  
  
"Of course, I can't do anything to Botan for revenge since she's in Reikai so that's up to you."  
  
"Hn, I will take care of her and Koenma. You prepare for the rest and once I get my body back, you know what to do."  
  
"Oh? And what plans of revenge does the evil fire demon have in mind?"  
  
"Hn, worry about your own plan first."  
  
"Fine, I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. You should get back before someone notices you're missing."  
  
Without even saying goodbye, Hiei blurred back Hiei-style to the front of Koenma's office, leaving the fox to his own problems. He then waited for Botan to come out of Koenma's office. The fire demon didn't have long to wait- Botan came out looking very frustrated and depressed. Seeing Hiei, she looked even more depressed.  
  
"Hiei? I'm gonna go take a break, so don't get into any trouble, kay?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
Taking that as a yes, she walked off.  
  
Hiei quietly slipped into Koenma's office, prepared to launch step one of his EVIL plan. Koenma was the only being in there, fast asleep on his desk. :::Hn, perfect. Now for the blackmail material...:::  
  
Hiei used his Jagan to read Koenma's mind. What he saw was... disturbing...  
  
:::He is in love with BOTAN?! I never knew gods felt horny...:::  
  
[Note: In my story, King Enma (Koenma's father) doesn't approve of anybody in Reikai having any sort of romance, so Koenma's love for Botan is forbidden.]  
  
Hiei tried to shake Koenma awake, but all the godling did was turn over and mumble, "Five more minutes, ogre..."  
  
Hiei tried to shake him awake again, but Koenma wouldn't wake up. "I don't have time for this..."  
  
Hiei finally just hit Koenma on the head, and Koenma woke up immediately. "Wha...?!"  
  
The fire demon smirked and said, "About time... So, you like Botan, ne?"  
  
Koenma's eyes got really wide. :::NO! HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO READ MY MIND!!! EEEEEEEP! WHAT IF FATHER FINDS OUT! I'll get spankings for sure...:::  
  
"Don't worry, I won't tell anybody... yet."  
  
Koenma gulped nervously and asked, "What do you want?!"  
  
Hiei smirked evilly and said, "Do what I say or else I will make sure everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, knows your little secret. Now, here's what you're gonna do..."  
  
As soon as Hiei told Koenma his EVIL PLAN, Koenma asked, "Isn't that a bit... extreme? I mean, come on, I thought KILLING her was evil, but this... this is..."  
  
"Wickedness? Sinful? Malevolent?"  
  
"Erm, I was thinking more like... INSANELY CRAZY!!!"  
  
"Hn, I do not care what you think. You will do as I say and if not, not only will I tell everyone, but I will make sure that your precious ferry girl will suffer even more..."  
  
:::HIEI'S GONE INSANE! I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME!:::  
  
"Insane, am I? Perhaps so, but genius, is it not?"  
  
"QUIT READING MY MIND!!!"  
  
"Hn, there is nothing you can do to stop me. Now for step one of the plan: chibify me! NOW!"  
  
"N-now? Can't we wait a little longer...?"  
  
"I said NOW!!!"  
  
"Hiei, are you sure about this? You do realize that once you are made chibi, your mind will no longer be mature; it will be like that of a five- year-old ningen. There is no telling what you might do, especially with your Jagan and demonic powers!"  
  
"Whatever damage I cause will be your fault for turning me chibi in the first place. Now, quit stalling already!"  
  
"Fine, fine. OGRE!!!!!!!!!"  
  
George the blue oni came running in at the sound of Koenma's voice. "Yes, Koenma-sama, sir?"  
  
"Get me Potion #13313 please."  
  
"WHAT?! THE CHIBIFYING ONE?!!! But Koenma-sama, sir, your father will-"  
  
"JUST GET IT!"  
  
George left quickly, not wanting to be punished. Within a few minutes he returned with a beaker full of something that looked kind of like a chocolate milkshake. "Potion #13313, Koenma-sama, sir."  
  
After setting it on Koenma's desk, the blue oni left the room. Koenma and Hiei both looked at it warily.  
  
"You do have the antidote, correct?"  
  
"Yes, Hiei. When you are ready to turn back, all you have to do is drink 10 cans of Vanilla Coke."  
  
"...Vanilla Coke...?"  
  
"Hai, Vanilla Coke. It's a soda from Ningenkai."  
  
"You mean that ningen crap that Yusuke and the baka drink?!"  
  
"Yes, Hiei."  
  
"Hn. You better have it ready."  
  
Hiei grabbed Potion #13313 and drank it all in one gulp. Strangely enough, it tasted like a strawberry shake, despite the chocolate-y-ness. [Yummy! I like strawberries!]  
  
Suddenly, there was a POOF! and a cloud of smoke filled the room. Once the smoke cleared, Koenma found a VERY strange looking Hiei.  
  
Hiei had gotten smaller, about as big as Koenma actually, and was wearing his usual black cloak and scarf. In fact, Hiei looked like a miniature version of himself except the body proportions were completely wrong- Hiei's head was about half of his whole body and his eyes took up half of his face. Plus, he had that whole chibi-cuteness look going.  
  
The weirdest thing, though, was that Hiei had a huge smile on his face and looked almost FRIENDLY. [The creepiness!!!]  
  
"Hi, I'm Hiei! Will you play with me?"  
  
Koenma stared dumbly at the chibified fire demon and burst out laughing. "HAHAHAHA! HIEI... CHIBI! AHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"  
  
Hiei stared at him with a confused expression and then proceeded to hit Koenma on the head. "It's *BONK* not *BONK* FUNNY!!!!!!! *BONK*"  
  
"WAAAAH! GET AWAY, AWAY YOU EVIL LITTLE FIRE DEMON YOU!!!"  
  
"WAAAAH! KOENMA'S MEAN TO HIEI!!! HIEI NOT LIKE KOENMA!!!"  
  
Hiei and Koenma both burst into tears at the same time. George the blue oni burst into the room. George tried his best not to laugh at the sight of Hiei and asked, "Koenma-sama, sir, do you need something?"  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! GET BOTAN!!!"  
  
George bowed quickly and ran out the room. He soon reappeared, accompanied by Botan.  
  
Botan had been in her own private quarters, resting as well as she could, when George had found her. The ogre had told her that Koenma needed her and sounded very urgent, so Botan something bad might have happened in Makai or something.  
  
When Botan walked into Koenma's office, the first thing she saw was Koenma, crying like the baby he is. Of course, this was quite normal for him so Botan wasn't at all shocked.  
  
"What in Enma's name is your problem, Koenma-sama?"  
  
"WAAAAHHHH! HIEI'S BEING MEAN TO ME!!!" Koenma wailed as he pointed at Hiei, who was also crying.  
  
Botan stared openly at the chibified demon.  
  
"H-hiei...? He's... CHIBI!"  
  
:::Oh dear lord, what am I gonna do... Hiei... chibi... and Koenma... in his chibi form... in the same room... and Hiei wants to kill me... WAAAAH! PANIC ATTACK, PANIC ATTACK, PANIC ATTACK!!!:::  
  
Hiei stopped crying to stare at her. He blinked once, twice, and then walked over to her and tugged at her kimono.  
  
"Will you play with me, Botan?"  
  
That was the last thing Botan heard before she fainted.  
  
[Yuppers, I would probably faint too if Hiei did that to me!]  
  
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Yukina felt so sad.  
  
Her own brother had lied to her because he felt he wasn't worthy. He had thought that she wouldn't like him! After all those times Yukina had asked Hiei if he had found her brother, not once did he try to tell her the truth. He didn't even look like he cared. It wasn't like Yukina was the one who labeled him the Forbidden Child, so why ever would he feel that way?  
  
It really made Yukina sad to think Hiei thought she would ever hurt him. Even before she knew the truth, she had always hoped her brother would be like Hiei. He was always so strong and such a good fighter, she felt like he would protect her from anything.  
  
Suddenly, Yukina heard a knock on the door. She quickly went down the stairs and opened it to find Keiko, Shizuru, Kuwabara, and Yusuke.  
  
Yukina didn't want to see them. Although she felt responsible for putting Hiei in a coma, it was also partly their fault, so she wasn't exactly happy with them.  
  
"Hi, Yukina, is Kurama here?"  
  
"Not at the moment."  
  
"Oh, thank goodness! Can we come in?"  
  
Yukina let them in and they all sat down in the living room.  
  
"Okay, the first thing we want to do is to apologize. We're very sorry for what we did to Hiei."  
  
"Yeah, we just got carried away."  
  
"Well, I'm not sorry! Shrimp boy made my Yukina cry!"  
  
"Kazuma, don't call him that! His name is HIEI! H-I-E-I!" Yukina said, glaring at the human.  
  
Everyone was surprised at her reaction and they stared at her, wide eyed.  
  
Yukina simply ignored them and continued. "Unless your sole purpose of coming here was to insult my brother, would you please tell me what it is you need?"  
  
Yusuke gulped and said, "We, uh, were just wondering... did you get the gifts?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay, can we see the lottery ticket please?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
Yukina went upstairs to get the lottery ticket and returned shortly. She handed it to Yusuke, who examined it.  
  
"Shizuru? The newspaper please."  
  
Shizuru handed Yusuke a page from the newspaper and he looked at it, then back at the lottery ticket.  
  
"Hai, the baka was right."  
  
"I TOLD YOU!!!"  
  
"I can't believe it..."  
  
"So strange..."  
  
Yukina was very confused now. What did a newspaper and the lottery ticket have to do with anything?  
  
"If you wouldn't mind, do tell me what is wrong with that lottery ticket."  
  
"Oh, there's nothing wrong with it."  
  
"We think-"  
  
"YUKINA, MY LOVE, YOU'VE WON THE LOTTERY!!!"  
  
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REVIEW PLEASE, and if you read the old Ch. 7, please tell me if you think the rewritten part is better.  
  
Definitions:  
  
Baka- idiot, dumb, stupid  
  
Chibis- those cute little guys with the big heads that act like little kids  
  
Hai- yes  
  
Ningen- human  
  
Ningenkai- human world  
  
Oni- ogre  
  
Reikai- spirit world 


	8. Chapter 8: Naughty Hiei

Disclaimer- I do not own YYH.  
  
Note: Any OOCness from Hiei is probably part of his EVIL plan or a result of the chibifying potion, so no worries about him being some kinda emotional cry baby for the rest of the story.  
  
asian princess 61- Thanks for pointing that out, but since I revised it I dunno if I'm gonna need that part any more or not. Oh well, just go with the flow, ne?  
  
The New Girl- I know you weren't being mean. Actually, I kinda agreed with you. I haven't exactly been writing to my full potential lately.  
  
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Chapter 8: Naughty Hiei  
  
Botan woke up to find herself staring into crimson eyes. "AHHH!"  
  
The ferry girl sat up quickly, causing Hiei, who had been looking at her, to move. He stared at her with wide, innocent eyes and slowly reached out a hand and poked her, wondering if she was really awake.  
  
"Owwwwww!" Botan exclaimed as she sat up. She looked around and found herself in her bed inside of her private bedroom at Reikai palace. Koenma, in his teenaged form, was nearby as well and he pulled Hiei away from Botan before he could poke her again.  
  
Koenma rushed over to Botan and asked, "How are you feeling? Are you okay? Do you need anything?"  
  
Botan said, "I'm okay, I think. I just had the weirdest dream! Hiei was... chibi! So, what happened?"  
  
Koenma explained everything as Hiei started jumping up and down, chanting 'Play with me! Play with me!' After Botan had fainted, an ogre had brought her to her bedroom and Koenma and Hiei had watched her anxiously for several hours, waiting for her to wake up.  
  
"You mean, Hiei really IS chibi?! It wasn't a dream?!!!"  
  
Koenma nodded. "Sadly, no, it wasn't a dream."  
  
"Oh kami..." Botan said as she and Koenma slowly turned to look at the horror that is chibi Hiei. The fire demon noticed the stares he was receiving and stopped jumping up and down.  
  
"Hi! Can I have my spirit beast now? You said I could if I was good, Koenma!!! I've been good, really I have! Can I have my spirit beast?"  
  
Botan glared at Koenma and hissed, "You told him that? It's bad enough that he's chibi, but with a spirit beast, that's two times worse!"  
  
"It was the only thing I could do to make him shut up! For two hours straight he was asking if you were dead and when you were going to wake up!"  
  
"What are you guys talking about? Is it about me?!" Hiei asked, his eyes filling up with tears. "It's not nice to talk about people! YOU'RE MEAN! WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Botan glanced at Koenma, then at Hiei, unsure of what to do. The poor fire demon was crying his heart out. Botan let her motherly instincts take over and she told Koenma, "You go get his spirit beast while I take care of him. And hurry!"  
  
Koenma quickly ran out of the room, thankful to have something else to do than baby-sit Hiei. As soon as he was out of the room, Botan knelt down on her knees and hugged the little fire demon tightly as she whispered, "Shhhhh... Hiei, it's okay..."  
  
After a few minutes, he calmed down and stopped crying, much to Botan's relief. Botan wiped away his tears as he looked at her strangely.  
  
"Botan, will you be my friend?" he asked innocently.  
  
"Uh, sure, Hiei, I'll be your friend," Botan told him, thinking it was really creepy coming from Hiei.  
  
"YAY!" he cheered as he hugged her tightly.  
  
Botan was now getting kind of used to this angelic version of Hiei. She didn't miss the old Hiei at all. But then, Hiei did something very mean...  
  
As she hugged him back, he was grinning mischievously, but she didn't see so she didn't suspect anything. His arms barely went all the way around her, but he stretched them as far as they could go and slowly pulled the sash that held Botan's kimono together until it came off completely.  
  
Botan let go of Hiei and smiled warmly at him, still completely clueless as to what he did. Hiei hid the sash inside of his cloak and waited for the fun to begin. The ferry girl stood up and...  
  
"ACK!!!" Botan exclaimed as she tried to stand up and keep her kimono on. Hiei was rolling on the floor laughing. After minutes of struggling she finally got her kimono straightened and grabbed an extra sash for it and put it on.  
  
After she finished that, she glared over at Hiei and said, "Hiei! Why did you do that?!"  
  
Hiei stopped laughing and said, "Cuz it's funny!!!"  
  
Botan forgot about how angelic he was and started screaming at him. "YOU LITTLE HENTAI!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA GET YOU BACK FOR THAT!!!!!!"  
  
Remembering what had started this whole mess, Botan grabbed some scissors and looked at Hiei evilly. "You're gonna get a hair cut!"  
  
Hiei completely forgot what was so funny and started backing away slowly. He didn't like that cruel look in her eyes. Without warning, Botan started running at him while screaming about how much of a jerk he was. Hiei ran away from her, and although he wasn't as fast his regular self, he was still fast enough to escape her. Their running caused things to fall over and totally messed up Botan's room.  
  
Koenma returned to the room to find everything a mess and Botan chasing Hiei with scissors in her hand.  
  
"Uh... Hiei...?" he asked cautiously.  
  
At the sounds of his name Hiei stopped running away to look at Koenma. Botan used this advantage to tackle Hiei and trap him on the floor.  
  
"HA! YOU STUPID DEMON!!! YOU'RE GONNA PAY!!!"  
  
"Uh..." Koenma wasn't sure what to do so he just watched as Botan used the scissors to cut his hair, Hiei struggling the whole time.  
  
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REVIEW PLEASE!!!  
  
Sorry it wasn't very good, but I needed to update. 


	9. Chapter 9: Dramatic Syndrome

Disclaimer- I do not own YYH.

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Chapter 9: Dramatic Syndrome

After leaving Reikai, Kurama had gone on to Makai to gather some needed materials for his plan for revenge. It took him several hours, but he finally came home only to find his house in utter chaos. Humans were swarming around the place like ants, even though it was well past midnight.

Making his way through the crowd, he looked to see what all the fuss was about. Had Yusuke decided to attack the house? Did Yukina freeze something? The fox was worried that the house had blown up or something.

Thankfully, when he got to the front door, the house was still intact. He walked inside and found Yukina, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Keiko, and Shizuru dancing and hopping around. He hoped that they weren't high or drunk- the last thing he needed was taking care of crazy people.

Yukina spotted him and called him over. He walked closer to her warily, but he didn't smell anything odd with his heightened sense of smell, so he asked her, "What the heck is going on?! The last time I was here you were crying and I had scared the other four off."

Yukina grinned at him and said, "You know the lottery ticket they gave me? I won! I won the lottery!!!"

"The, ah, lottery?" Kurama asked, not sure whether to believe her or not.

"Hai, hai! The lottery, the ningen lottery! I've won!"

This was bad, very bad indeed. The revenge plans would have to begin now. Ignoring everyone, Kurama ran upstairs to his room and locked the door. On his bed lay Hiei's immobile body. Quickly pulling out the plants he had gathered from Makai, he began making the potion his plan would require.

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"BWAHA! You shall get the horrific hair cut you deserve, Hiei no baka!" Botan screamed as she used her scissors to hack away at his hair. Hiei struggled to get away, but with a chibified body, it was impossible.

Finally, after several minutes, Botan was finished. She smirked and looked at her handiwork. Surprisingly, Hiei's hair looked exactly the same, only a few inches shorter.

"There Hiei, it's all done. Now quit screaming like a big baby!" Botan stood aside and let Hiei get up.

The fire demon grabbed the nearest mirror and looked at himself. Glancing over his shoulder, Botan grinned.

"Heheh, I'm not so bad after all, ne?"

Silently, Koenma watched them interact with one another. He was surprised that Botan had managed to neatly cut Hiei's hair, even when he was kicking and screaming all the while.

Hiei stared in awe at the mirror, wondering why the ditzy ferry girl did such a good job while he couldn't even cut one strand with his sword. He voiced his approval with a single, "Hn!"

Botan grinned. "You like it don't you? Aren't you glad I cut your hair for you? Better than a barbershop again, ne?"

Hiei glared at her, silencing her. "Shut up!" He didn't want to be reminded of that!

Smirking evilly, Botan looked at Hiei in a way that made him fidget nervously. "Don't tell me to shut up, you chibified nuisance!" She pounced on him, and began tickling him like there was no tomorrow.

Frowning, Koenma witnessed this new turn of events. That wasn't fair. Chibi Hiei had been here for less than a day, and Botan was already tickling him! How many times had Koenma fantasized about this? How many times had he asked for her to play with him, only to be turned down time after time?

That's does it! Time for dramatic measures. Koenma stormed dramatically out of the room, dramatically opening and slamming shut the door, and dramatically stalking down the hallway. Dramatically, he yelled for an oni.

"ONI! GET ME HIEI'S SPIRIT BEAST!" he yelled dramatically. As an oni hurriedly ran to do his bidding, Koenma dramatically smirked and dramatically crossed his arms. This would be- dramatically- fun!


End file.
